It’s 5am and I’m awake. What would any normal 25 year old due at 5am when she wakes up from a wine coma? That’s right – start a new blog.
After semi-wandering around my house, cleaning various things such as the kitchen stove from the fish I made for dinner last night, dusting a few book shelves, making my bed and putting the bottle of wine from last nights endeavors into the recycling, I sat down on my couch and looked at the blank T.V. screen. Now, normally, this would have been the perfect time to start watching some mind numbing show such as Family Guy or The Simpsons – you know, the type of show that requires minimal brain cells to actually understand the premise – but instead, I decided to write. I like writing, after all, I find it to be a bit tranquil. Considering I tranquilized myself last night with an entire bottle of wine, perhaps I don’t need the tranquility. Yet, here I am!
Last night I decided that an entire bottle of wine, some sappy girl movies and chocolate was clearly the best idea for my ever compounded head with stress. Boy, was I wrong. I felt pretty incredible <insert sarcasm here> yesterday after I got off work and decided – “Sam’s gonnna act like a girl.” I mean, I do like girlie things – I just don’t really participate in girlie things very often. So I bee-bopped my way to the nail salon down the street from my house, hopped into the chair and had this very nice lady paint my pretty little toes. It actually really hurt! She was poking and stabbing like a mad woman! She then looks up at me with her sweet little brown eyes with these death tools still in her hands and asks, “Do you wear shoes?” I had to explain that while in fact I do wear shoes, I also wear cleats that royally destroy my feet. She shrugged and went back to poking, cutting, trimming and scrubbing. I then got the bright idea from the fact that I was already semi-torturing myself – EYEBROWS! Yes, please. Wax those babies like a Brazilian bikini-model. They are bushy and completely untamed due to my laziness and guilt that I associate with spending money on “stupid things”. Why is it I always have said bright ideas when I’m already subjecting myself to pain?
For the record. My toes are now “Big Apple” red and my eyebrows are perfectly shaped. Thanks, OPI nail polish, for the temporary beautifying of my feet.
Onward! I wander to the Kroger next door from the salon deciding that I’m going to cook my own meal and drink some wine. Last time I drank wine by myself I consumed an entire bottle and spent the better part of the night crying while watching the Discovery Channel. Women, listen to me! Heed my advise for this like you would from your best friend: Watching the Discovery Channel while hormonal and drunk on wine will result in an ungodly amount of tears. I only advise it when you’re alone and not in the accompaniment of a male figure. They will not know what to do with you. I’m glad I was alone. It was okay to be a massive girl and cry like a five year old as I’m watching my favorite animal get mauled by a sea lion. Poor Penguins. I’m still devising armor for you! Just, give me some more time!
So, “why” might you ask? Why would I subject myself to an evening of wine, awful chick flicks (for the record, Charlie St. Cloud, Charlie St. Sucks, even with the consumption of a full bottle of wine) and chocolate? Well, my friends, because of a little word known as “unfortunately”.
Unfortunately, “unfortunately” is a word that I’ve heard for the better part of my life. Unfortunately, Samantha, you’re just not smart enough, fast enough, pretty enough (really, this was said to me in high school) strong enough, brave enough – fill in adjectives here and I’ve probably had that beautiful word “unfortunately” tagged in front of it. Unfortunately, I’m unfortunate, or so I think that life would have my believe. I’m tired of being unfortunate and I’m tired of not having the ball fall into my court the way I want it to. Unfortunately for unfortunately, I’m a stubborn little bitch and I don’t back down. Unfortunately, I’m still going to keep on keepin’ on. Such is life, right?
Unfortunately, I am in the middle of a divorce. Unfortunately, I was cut from a team for a third time. Unfortunately, I have to move out of my house that I love. Unfortunately, my Grandma died two weeks ago. Unfortunately, I’m tired (though love, oddly enough) my job. Unfortunately, one of my best friends lives in New York and I miss him like a crack addict misses his pipe.
Fortunately, the divorce, while it sucks now, will make my life better. Fortunately, I have other things I can do this summer! Fortunately, I found a new place to live thats pretty freaking awesome. Fortunately, my Grandma was 91 and went out with the line “It’s just time for me to go, Butchy” (what a kick ass ol’ lady). Fortunately, my job pays me really well and I love the people I work with. Fortunately, with all the money I’ll have saved up, I’m going to New York. See, you despicable word you, I’m not going to let you ruin things. Fortunately, unfortunately, I’m a stronger person than you are.
All of this comes from an evening of wine…by myself. yes.