I have had quite a few people speak to me of “trust” lately. To quote Shrek, “[peels an onion] NO! Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.”
Well, I may not be an over sized ogre who is running around the magical forests looking for Fiona, but I do have layers, and I do like this metaphor. On the outside, yes, I’m quite robust and quite flagrant and I have many layers to get through before you get down to my core. I need these layers as they provide protection to me, to my heart, to my feelings, to my emotional well-being. I need these layers to survive.
Now yes, I’m a very open individual and I will tell you things that I don’t deem to be private, and maybe I may include you on a few things that I do consider private, but therein lies the subject of today’s post: trust.
Trust to me is one of the most important things in the world and for me to give it to you is a rather large deal. I’m not a big person about just trusting everyone – I will give you a little and see how you handle it. I will see how it feels, see how I feel about you keeping that trust and then I may give you a little more. In thinking about this, I’ve found that there are six layers of Sam. I thought I would share.
Layer One:[The Sam that everyone knows] I will talk to just about anyone. My mother said that I had the capability to talk to anyone about anything from the time I was able to speak. I will be nice and pleasant and I will talk to you about things. In general this layer is the “Sam social at a bar or party”.
Layer Two: [The Sam that friends know] This involves minimal trust. These are the people that I regularly hang out. I see on a weekly or monthly basis that know me a little more personally than others. These are the people who know little things about me and I enjoy their company.
Layer Three: [The Sam that close friends know] This involves moderate trust. I come to these people for random questions that involve semi-personal things that I don’t care for everyone to know, but I trust them for their various qualifications in their lives. For example, I have a friend who is a counselor and I sought him out when I needed to see a therapist. I knew I could trust him to keep my request personal and between he and I.
Layer Four: [The Sam that Good friends know] This layer involves a good deal of trust – I lean on them and they lean on me. I trust them with personal things, but still hide a lot of my true intentions or questions from them. I trust them with things that I feel they are capable of handling and no more.
Layer Five: [The Sam that only few know] This is the layer of trust that I have given to only a few. In fact, this is the layer that I still don’t think anyone has fully filtered into. There are two or three that teeter between layer four and five, but for the most part, they are a level four. This layer of trust means that I will tell you my deepest, darkest, most fucked up secrets I have. And trust me, I have them. This level means that I trust them to take what I say to them to the grave. If we were in elementary or middle school, I would refer to this as a “blood brother” or “blood sister”.
Disclaimer: Level Six: [Sam hates you] You have broken trust or never earned it from the beginning and I hate you. I don’t trust you, I wont trust you and feel like you could rot in a fiery grave before I gave you any trust.
So what my trust involves is this – don’t lie, don’t steal my heart, don’t break it if you do have it (but if you have to do so, break it gently and honestly, and I will heal properly), don’t put up a facade, don’t make fun at me unless you’re making fun with me (and it just happens to be at me) and please, for the love of all that is good, don’t judge me.