I think women are more easily tagged with the “passive aggressive” behavior than men. Women tend to sit and lament, or stew, about problems before we finally just explode. I’ve been thinking about this a lot today -why do we do this? More importantly, why do I do this?
I think for me my biggest problem is that I don’t want the people I love and care about to be annoyed with me. If someone does something that irritates me, or upsets me, I usually just let it pass and I try and get over it myself. I compartmentalize; I break down every little scenario and reasoning of why a person said x, or did y, and give that person the reason of the doubt. Someone snaps at me? Okay, they must be tired. Someone is short with me? They must be stressed.
The bigger problem that I’ve come to realize about myself is that I think the things that upset me are stupid. I don’t want to sound trivial. I don’t want to be upset when people snap at me – I want to be able to just say “no biggie” and dismiss it. I want my friends personality of “que sera sera” and the ability to just say “screw it” but the reality is …. I’m a big fat baby. I don’t really think that what I do is passive aggressive (though, it is) I just try and forget why I was upset because usually, in my past, the things that I’ve been upset over have been juvenile. Or, so I’ve been told.
So I started thinking about the difference between men and women. I think most women don’t want to sound like catty little [insert word here] so they refrain and put it in their pockets and hope that it just goes away. What ends up happening is that those little bits sitting in their pockets come out like blaring ammunition when an argument does ensue, and at that point, it’s just not fair to the friend, the parent, the significant other – to anyone. It be comes the overly heard commentary of “well, this one time you did X” or the “you always do this!” But the problem, be that the situation is true or not, has already passed and the probability of both sides remembering the situation fairly is gone.
So I’ve decided that if something bothers me I’m not going to let it pass. There’s a reason why something bothers me and if it does, it’s worth mention. No more communication is passiveness – it’s 100% on the table from now on. Passiveness never did any good for me anyway – so, cheers! To new, completely open communication.
Those that love me will still love me, and those who didn’t may just now…