I’ve not posted in 2012 yet! Hooray! It’s 2012.
I started my New Year off right. I did something for myself, which is virtually unheard of. I actually rested. I vegged. I ate. I slept. I read. I consumed my days with nothingness, but not emptiness, and gave myself ten whole days without school or work. No deadlines and without stress, without requirements – just my own personal goals.
It’s the first vacation of this nature since I was in middle school. The last time I remember doing anything like this I was taking off for spring or winter break, when I didn’t have a job. It’s the first vacation that my destination has involved my own bed nearly every night, and my ability to sleep in every beautiful morning. I started 2012 off on the best of feet – both of them firmly on the floor, rested and ready to march into the new year with a resounding “Here I come!!” It was amazing, and I’m absolutely delighted that I treated myself to such a great ten days.
I started a new book, which is something on my resolution list for this year, and I’ve been unable to put it down. It’s Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, by Jonathan Safran Foer. The book is engaging, thoughtful, shocking, and heartfelt. I only have a few pages left, but it is easily in my top five favorite books. I’m a picky reader, despite being an English Major, and finding books like this one deserve to be placed on top of the list. Here’s a big cheers to one of my very own new years resolutions – to read more of what I want!
The week was great – filled with sleeping in, despite Ollie (kitten) trying desperately to wake me early in the mornings. I kicked him out and found that he sleeps in the box of unpacked dishes in my living room. There is one box in my whole apartment that is unpacked, and it’s the place he decides to sleep. Not the couch, not the blankets, not in the dinning room chair – the unpacked box of dishes. Not to mention that the unpacked box of dishes isn’t easy to get into – the top of the box is still folded over so that it acts like a lid. He squeezes his little butt down there. Sigh. Silly kitty.
New Years was awesome. I went to Terrapin Brewery and then partying in downtown Athens. I haven’t celebrated NYElike this yet. I’m 25, and this is the first New Years extravaganza that I was able to take part of. Regardless of what caused it, migraine or alcohol, I spent the entire ride home from Athens throwing up every thirty minutes the next morning, but it was worth it. It was fun! (Not the throwing up part, the….well, YAYA!) The week was amazing, and the weekend started it off so well.
I sat at a Dunkin Donuts drinking coffee, eating a bagel and reading.
I went an saw a movie – at 2pm in the afternoon. If you’ve not seen the new Mission Impossible movie, I suggest you do.
I slept in.
I went to the mall and walked around.
I didn’t get on a computer.
I watched movies from the floor of my apartment, on a pallet of pillows and blankets. With my boyfriend. With my kitten. With a roaring fire.
I went climbing, both indoor and outdoor.I went to the Tennessee Aquarium with my friend, a new friend that I finally got to meet, and boyfriend.
It was amazing. I don’t understand why I’ve not done something like this before.
Holy incredible, Batman! It’s a revelation!
I took time for myself. Granted, I did share all of my awesomeness with boyfriend, but it made it even more amazing to have someone with me. And I’m glad he got to share all that awesome time with me.
It got me thinking about a lot of things, though, and things that I’m not sure how to play out properly. It got me thinking about how drastically different this first week of 2012 was in comparison to the terrible 2011. It was this time last year that all the shit hit the proverbial ceiling fan. Last year, Christmas and New Years were anything but enjoyable, in fact they were pretty damn terrible. I was sick as a dog for my entire Christmas Break; I was miserable inside and out. New Years turned into a huge screaming match between the ex and I that only solidified my reasoning for my course of action that was to come. I was going through therapy finding out that I had more issues than just the impending doom of a divorce, but that I have severe mommie issues that are incredibly impacting on my life. The pressure that was welling up inside me was chocking me and pulling me dangerously so close to the bottom that there was a chance I wouldn’t return.
But, I did.
I returned. Stronger and better. I found that there are people there for you when you least expect it. That, when you need a shoulder, you always have people to turn to in your life – and some of them will come and go in your life, but they will always be there. Those are the best kinds of people. No matter how close to the bottom you get, there is always a rope hanging somewhere to pull you back up by – sometimes it just means you have to look a little harder for it.
I have a friend who recently told me about stones.
I understand now that there are very important things you need to put first in your life before you can try and cram other things into it. I’m grateful for this. I’m learning, all the time, what is important and what is not. What I need to stress about, and what I don’t. It’s helping me, and I’ve been thinking a lot about my stones lately. What I need to put in my jar. More importantly, what I need to take out of my jar, and what is important.
I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time. There is a personal freedom felt deep within your heart when you know you’re exactly where you need to be in your life. I feel that right now. I don’t feel like I did last year; I don’t feel trapped. I don’t feel like there is this dark little rain cloud that is constantly standing above my head. In fact, I feel like there are constant rays of sunshine, lots of smiles, and lots of love.
The moral of my rant is simply this:
No matter how hard you fall, you can always stand up, brush yourself off and start walking again. It may hurt. It may take a few band-aids here and there to patch up the scrapes, but you will heal. You will become stronger than you were before. You will move forward; you’ve just got to get your priorities straight and remember to always look forward.
“There is a big difference between being selfish and looking out for your own self interest.” —- This will never leave me.