The secret is out:

I’ve been really quiet and really hesitant to post lately, mainly because I’ve had a huge secret that I’ve been keeping from everyone.

I’m leaving my job.

This may come to a huge surprise to just about everyone. Our economy is in the tank, jobs are hard to come by, and especially good paying jobs with great benefits like mine. But, recently there was a bit of talking in our office that we may be merging with another practice, or worse, the hospital. Basically, it was the proverbial kick in the ass I needed to figure out what was more important in my life: a job, or an education.

I decided on an education. I’ve been plodding away at school, working full-time and school full-time, and I’m beyond tired. I’m exhausted. I’ve reached the mental capacity that has created an almost psychopathic, crazy me. I’m stressed out, I’m anxious, I’m nervous – I’m on anti-anxiety medicine and severe depression medicine, and it’s because I’ve finally pushed myself through the ringer.

I don’t want to work in this job forever; this was never supposed to be a permanent solution. In fact, this was always supposed to be a stepping stone. A job to tide me over, to open more doors for me. I’ve done a considerable amount of work here, and I’ve learned a lot, but working in this profession is not for me. This was a great learning curve, this was a great experience, and this was a fantastic place to work. I’m just ready to move on.

So, I’ve spent the last few months really evaluating my financial situation. Evaluating my classes, my degree, my life – and this is the best decision I can make for myself. It came down to this: I could have super awesome job, that I really don’t want to do anymore and be pretty miserable doing for the rest of my life — OR — I can suck it up and within one year I can graduate.

A degree is a powerful piece of paper. I’m not an idiot, but I still need that piece of paper to prove to the world that “hey! Samantha is a smart girl!” So, I’m going for it.

This is by far the biggest risk I’ve ever taken. I’ve never, ever, ever, had an opportunity to go to school full-time like this before. I’ve never had the opportunity to focus strictly on school. I feel proud, and excited, that I’m doing this. I was going through a flood of emotions that I was being selfish, that I was being irrational, or making a poor decision in my life. That I was going to fail, or that I wouldn’t have enough money, or that this whole idea was just stupid.

Then I realized, this is important enough, and important enough for me to make this decision and to take this risk. A risk? Absolutely. Could I fall flat on my face? Absolutely. Am I still going to do it? You’re damn right I am.

So here’s to the next year …and here’s to me being a full-time college student. Here’s to me kicking the next years ass!

5 thoughts on “The secret is out:

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