The Outside

It’s only Thursday. The first Thursday of my reign of studentdom, and freedom from the work force, and onward with the educational process of life.

I feel like Tom Hanks in Castaway.

I legitimately have wondered on multiple occasions what day it is and the only thing that keeps me on track is my iPhone and my diligent alarm that reminds me to take a certain medication every day. If it weren’t for my iPhone and my OCDness in organization, I might have been lost on Tuesday.

My apartment is spotless. My laundry is done. My kittens are fed. My mind? Stir crazy. And, I say this when all I did on Tuesday and Wednesday would be school work.

I finished my rockin’ awesome project on John Steinbeck’s novel East of Eden, which is my all time favorite novel, and then moved progressively forward with the studying of my Spanish. I feel like I did pretty well on my final on Wednesday. Hopefully, my feelings are confirmed with a grade sometime in the nearby future.

I haven’t been fond of leaving my apartment, either. I’ve been happy as a clam stuck inside these walls. In fact, honestly, I rather like it here in my new apartment up in the woods. It’s in the quietest section of the apartment complex, with the most amount of trees and shade, and the simple fact that I can leave all my of my windows open and shades drawn without the fear of people seeing me change. My bedroom looks into the woods.

And that brings me to now. Where I sit. Inevitably stalling writing this paper that is due on Monday. I’ve got my candles lit, I’m watching the lightning in the – well what I thought was near distance, but perhaps should move inside – and contemplating all of the decisions I’ve made lately. I’m still right, right? What is it in a person that enables them to make such grave decisions without fear? I want to know who you are – wherever you are – because I know you exist. I know that there are those out there who make decisions and trod forward without fear, or reservation, or apathy. Not that I am these things, by any means, but I’m just  – scared.

I went outside today. I sit outside today. I’m moving forward….with today.


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