Sometimes doubt floods my mind like a cancerous cell with the potential for metastasis. It’s like the movie Inception. Cobb says that the most resilient parasite is “An idea. Resilient, highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it’s almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed, fully understood. That sticks, right in there somewhere.”
That’s how I feel about doubt. Doubt in itself is almost like its own manifesto – it’s mark on my brain that it’s going to royally dick me over until I no longer have doubt. And to eradicate this doubt is nearly impossible, as is the idea. It manifests into a depression. A depression that almost consumes me as much as the doubt itself.
This is different than apathy, though the action of becoming apathetic certainly follows, but it’s not the same. I’m just not certain what I need to do to get this cancerous thought out of my head.