For those unfamiliar with my family heritage, I come from a pretty strong Italian family. The kind of family that enjoys talking really loudly, drinking frequently, and eating constantly. We favor the family from “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” minus the whole Greek aspect – but I’m pretty sure a conversation took place with my grandmother when I was about 16 that involved me being upset and her solving the problem with making me food. Frankly, this is the Italian heritage that I love.
Then, there’s the Italian side of me that I hate – my temper. And, the more detrimental “on/off” switch that I have in regards to people. I honestly think I get my temper from my mom, and my on/off switch from my dad, but people can easily become “Dead to me”, so to speak. I’d like to think that I give people the benefit of the doubt, and give them an honest chance, but then there are those people whom I learn are not who they appear to be – by various means of application – and they become dead to me.
However, there is a lingering doubt in my head that makes me suspicious that I’m not being a good person by allowing these people to get the better of me, and by not being able to hide that I don’t particularly enjoy being in their presence. The one thing that I’ve never appreciated about the female kind, and moreover the Southern Belle mentality, is their ability to be nice to your face and then a bitch behind your back. I guess, despite being raised in the south, I’m admittedly a Yankee in regards to expressionism. Add the Italiainism into it, and you get a world of disaster when it comes to hiding my emotions.
So my question is —-
1. Is it better to be nice to someones face, pretend to be interested in their well-being, and make general bullshitted chit-chat?
2. Is it better to make it completely understood where an individual stands with you, while not going out of your way to be vile towards them, but also not engage in the general bullshitted chit-chat?
This question undoubtedly arises because this happened to me and I, admittedly was still happy from a bit of wine, made it exceptionally clear where someone stood with me and suffered greatly by not holding my tongue. And what benefit did I get from this? Besides the fact that I felt a little better not being nice just for the sake of shits and giggles. I benefited nothing. In fact, I’m questioning whether or not I made a huge mistake.
But then I think about what this individual did; what this individual said about me and how this person said it, and even more so, how said individual doesn’t even know that I’m aware of the things said at my expense, and then I don’t care at all…
Am I a bad person for being blunt?