Okay, I’m a Scrooge. I’ve written this before, but what I’ve not written about is the fact that I am actually going to have a Christmas break and I may not know what to do with myself.

I’ve tried to find some holiday work, but apparently those jobs fill up super fast. Who knew. So I think I’ll be hanging around the apartment making things. I’m also going to try to get into a pool everyday during the break. I need to try to rehab my stupid hamstring that it’s hurting so bad.

But not only am I a humbug about Christmas. I’m just a humbug. I’m really stressing out about my life right now. I didn’t really think about where I would be living in April when I decided to quit my job. I didn’t think about the fact that I wouldn’t be able to easily find a job. I mean, I did, we all do – and I’m really starting to question whether this education thing was worth all the jazz that I gave up. I didn’t think about…life after school…as well as I should have.

That is, to say, quite frankly, I am a little butterball of stress. I have no idea what I’m going to do in April? Move home to my parents and suffocate in the smoke? Have to hide my stuff under blankets of Febreeze? Figure out a way to find some kind of low-end job that I can show my apartment complex “hey, look, I can stay!” or the new apartment that I move into, because inevitably, I will likely be moving. I know they’ll jack the rent up on this puppy. And I know I can’t afford the rent to go any higher.

So, what do people do? How the hell am I suppose to concentrate on life when I feel like I’m in a choker sitting in the middle of some English peasant square being mocked.

I don’t know. All I know is I’m tired and I’m scared.

3 thoughts on “Bahumbug

  1. Grace, It’s been awhile. As a fellow student, I know your pain. What I do is this: Lucky for me I have a part-time job where I can work only one day a week during semester hell! Still, with the graduate assistantship duties, I estimate I have about a 70 hour work week (that’s counting homework). I keep that part-time job so I can have full-time hours in the summer. With that income and the little bit of student loans I save from the Spring semester, I can get by with rent, car payment etc.

    I’m so glad to know that you jumped back into school again! As far as what to do after, keep your ears open now for opportunities, and don’t stress about it until it is something to stress about,

    In all honesty, as few colleges are hiring soon-to-be English instructors, I’m scared too. I will kill myself If I remain full-time at the job I have now with a Graduate Degree. Auggghh, the thought hurts.

    You were brave to go back to school. You can be brave during it.

    • It is so good to hear from you! I’m sure you’ll find a job – as someone as passionate about short stories and poetry, it’s bound to resonate through to Universities.

      And thank you – for some reason in latching onto the last thing you said. I am going to be brave through to the end of it!

      Hugs, Grace

      Sent from my iPhone

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