Guilt: it’s my dinner

No more jello for me, Mom! <covers mouth with both hands and shakes head> I just can’t take it anymore!

Guilt is a bitch and for some reason I feel like I’m highly susceptible to it. I don’t know if it’s due to an overwhelming amount of guilt trips that I’ve taken over the years, or if it’s my own doing, but my therapist back in October said that the emotion of “guilt” comes from feeling like you’re doing something wrong.

Doing something wrong – it’s an interesting terminology as it plays on a persons psyche. What I feel may be “doing wrong” someone else may find to be completely reasonable. It’s a matter of how people were raised, their environments and how things have effected them in their past. Someone who steals for food, for example, may find it completely justifiable because they come from an impoverished lifestyle; whereas, someone who grew up with all the wealth and food may find it thievery to steal food no matter the reason.

I’m constantly trying to get past the fact that I feel guilt and associate it with a lot things in my life. I feel guilty for leaning on people for help. I feel guilty for needing people to hold me. I feel guilty for needing to bitch about school work, or work-work, or him. I feel guilty for spending my own money, for wanting things, for needing to feel like someone cares. I feel guilty about taking people up on offers – but, they offered! Right?

But, why? Why do I feel so guilty? I’m not doing anything wrong by needing someone to talk to – or for spending my own money – or for wanting things. Why do I feel guilty? There is nothing wrong with any of those things.

So I’ve decided that, as of right this very second, guilt is no longer my dinner. No. more. guilt. for. me. mom. I’m going to try my hardest to stop feeling guilty about stupid, inconsequential things and when I do feel guilt I’m going to stop and look at the scenario and see if it its actually justifiable.

Guilt. I’m on a diet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s